This is a reminder that Wednesday at 5pm my mother and I will be talking about the adoption story and our passions at Wellesley College. We are planning to broadcast live over the web. I hope you all can join us!
You can RSVP for the event here (even if you are joining us online).
Here is the link where you can watch!
If you can’t see the video above click here.
I’ve been asked this question a lot recently: “How do I talk to my adoptive parents about looking for my birth parents?”
Obviously this is a sensitive subject and I do my best to give advice based on my experiences. Keep in mind, I never had this talk with my parents. Even though I wasn’t proactive about this, at the time there are things I did that really helped.
1) Treat them the same – This is probably the easiest thing to do and the most imporant. I think that adoptive parents’ biggest fear is that they are going to lose you; that by finding your birth family, you are going to stop being part of their lives. Everyone who has asked me this question was really aware of this and didn’t want to hurt their adoptive parents. I think by doing the same things as you always do with your adoptive parents they can get over their fear and realize you aren’t going anywhere.
2) Include them – Some parents are more open about this than others, but the more they are a part of the search the easier it might be to deal with. I think a big part of my family getting over its fears was that they went with me and met this new family. As time went on, my adoptive parents got to know them more and it was a lot easier for them.
I also wanted to say something to the adoptive parents out there.
Try to understand this is not about you as parents. You are so important to your adopted child and they don’t want to hurt you. As an adoptee, looking for your birth parents is part of figuring out who you are as a person. I think it’s human nature to resolve unanswered questions, such as where did I come from?
Good luck with your search and if there is anything I can do, or if you have other questions, please feel free to contact me. firstname.lastname@example.org
The other weekend I was visiting my parents and I was able to sit down with my mother and talk about the book. We talked about the research that went into it and how she spent time with my birth family trying to piece together the story.
If you can’t see the video above click here.
The Idea For the Book
Originally it was going to be a project for both my mother and father, but they quickly realized that someone had to take full responsibility. In 2002 my mother was finishing up another book she was working on and she decided that it was a great opportunity to start.
In 2004 she got serious about starting the book and began by taking Spanish classes. She knew she would have to have difficult conversations with my family and it would be best to do those in Spanish. My mother and brother both took classes in Costa Rica to help improve her Spanish language skills.
In late 2005 she was at a point where her Spanish was good enough to start interviewing people. She spent a couple of weeks living with members of my birth mother and birth father’s families. During this time there was a lot of opportunity for conversation and to dig a little deeper. They started to remember a lot of details that we did not know before, and helped piece together the story. They also helped her dig up old newspapers which provided a context for our story.
We talked about the repression of memory and how we learned a lot of new information very quickly. My mother talks about how her own records reminded her about pieces of the story she had forgotten.
She really wanted people to be a part of the journey we experienced. To go from not knowing, to putting the pieces back together.
We Want to Hear From You!
My mother and I had been talking about the power of social networks and how it relates to the book. I thought it would be neat if people could come back to the Facebook group and leave their thoughts about her work. She would love to hear what people think about it and so would I. You can also leave a comment on this post. Hope to hear from you!
The talk I made at my school went very well. There was a good group of about 25 to 30 people there. We also had another 25 people come and go online.
I was really disappointed because I forgot to press the record button before starting the talk. I wanted to share this with everyone who wasn’t able to make it. However, Vinnie came to the rescue and recorded almost the entire talk, which you can watch below. The video quality isn’t great but I really can’t complain because I’m lucky to have anything.
Thank you to everyone who came and watched online. It was a great experience and I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did.
My mother and I may be streaming live from Wellesley College on the night of the 28th. When it’s confirmed I will post the event info.
If you can’t see the video above click here to watch it.
Next Wednesday October 14th at 12pm I will be speaking at my college, Wentworth Institute of Technology, about my adoption story. I am planning to talk about how finding my family as well as my experiences at Wentworth led me to become an entrepreneur who is passionate about social change. The talk is being put on by MSA and SHPE and will be open to all.
If you are unable to attend the event in person I will be broadcasting live over the internet at this address:
I realize that this is during the middle of the day and many people may not be able to attend. If you can’t make the event I’ll be recording it and posting it later.
Here is a link to the event on facebook.
I’m really excited about this and it should be a great event.