You’re invited to join us as we celebrate adoption day and 27 years of being together Sunday May 30th at 7:00pm on our Facebook Fan Page.
We’ll be broadcasting from our home in New Hampshire and sharing our memories and thoughts on adoption. We will be sharing our memories, talking about larger adoption issues and answering your questions.
Details here: http://bit.ly/apGybN
We will have some major announcements about the book soon. Join our journey and we’ll keep you updated with the latest news. http://eepurl.com/mlQr
12 Years and Counting!
This Sunday, December 20th it will be 12 years since our family was reunited. To celebrate we are inviting you to join us in a live video chat from Panama. Starting at 6:30pm we will be answering any questions you might have about the story or our experiences. This is a chance for you to meet some of the “characters” from my mother’s upcoming book.
You can join the conversation by going to http://www.anasmiracle.com/the-story/live or on our Facebook Page. You can RSVP here. Hope to see you there!
This past Tuesday night I was on a conference call with Sidney Gaskins and Kevin Hofmann. The call was about how to approach the search as a parent and as an adoptee. Sidney is a mother of an adopted child and shared how she approaches the subject with her 10 year old son. Kevin is an adoptee who recently started searching for his birth family again. It was a great conversation. I would like to thank Sidney for putting this together and Kevin for sharing his thoughts and feelings.
Here are some of the topics we talked about:
- Adoptive parent fears
- Adoptee fears of addressing parents with the desire to search
- Terminology used
- Process of addressing biological parents as part of the adoptee
- Non-threatening ways to address biological parentage with adoptees for adoptive parents
We hope this information will be useful for adoptees and parents who are wondering how to approach this sensitive subject. We would love to hear any feedback people have about this conversation.
Approaching the Search
You can also call in and listen to this interview over the phone:
Playback Dial-in Number: 1-218-936-7995 (Midwest)
Playback Access Code: 107559
Our Talk at Wellesley
Last Wednesday my mother and I were at Wellesley College talking to a group of students. We were talking about the adoption story, her book and my experiences meeting my family.
They were a great group of students and we had a fun time talking with them.
Below is a video recording we did of the event. I did remember to press record this time. However, the audio quality is not great. You will have to turn up the volume, but you should be able to hear everything. The video is about an hour long. We talk for the first 45 minutes and answer questions for the remainder.
I have been looking into a mic and will be getting one soon. That should make future recordings much better.
If you can’t see the video above, click here.
As always we would love to hear from you. Question or comments are welcome on the website or Facebook page.
If you can’t see the video above click here.
I’ve been asked this question a lot recently: “How do I talk to my adoptive parents about looking for my birth parents?”
Obviously this is a sensitive subject and I do my best to give advice based on my experiences. Keep in mind, I never had this talk with my parents. Even though I wasn’t proactive about this, at the time there are things I did that really helped.
1) Treat them the same – This is probably the easiest thing to do and the most imporant. I think that adoptive parents’ biggest fear is that they are going to lose you; that by finding your birth family, you are going to stop being part of their lives. Everyone who has asked me this question was really aware of this and didn’t want to hurt their adoptive parents. I think by doing the same things as you always do with your adoptive parents they can get over their fear and realize you aren’t going anywhere.
2) Include them – Some parents are more open about this than others, but the more they are a part of the search the easier it might be to deal with. I think a big part of my family getting over its fears was that they went with me and met this new family. As time went on, my adoptive parents got to know them more and it was a lot easier for them.
I also wanted to say something to the adoptive parents out there.
Try to understand this is not about you as parents. You are so important to your adopted child and they don’t want to hurt you. As an adoptee, looking for your birth parents is part of figuring out who you are as a person. I think it’s human nature to resolve unanswered questions, such as where did I come from?
Good luck with your search and if there is anything I can do, or if you have other questions, please feel free to contact me. firstname.lastname@example.org
Saturday Night’s Dinner
Those of you who been following the Facebook page know that this past Saturday I had a dinner with other Salvadoran adoptees. It was a great event. I met some new people and reconnected with some old friends. I thought about the weekend, and some of the themes that were talked about during the dinner. I decided to make this video as a way to recap the weekend.
You Are Not Alone
One of the themes that came up during the dinner was the idea of being alone. Not because we didn’t have great families and friends to lean on, but the uniqueness of our experiences made it hard for people to relate our feelings. I know that when I first heard of someone else being reunited with their family it meant a lot to me. I felt like there was finally someone who really understood what I had gone through. I had the feeling that some of the others felt that this weekend too.
If there was one take away from this weekend, it’s that you are not alone. No matter what you have gone through or are going through there are people out there who have gone through similar situations. While they may not understand completely, talking to them can help you deal with the issues at hand.
I was asked a couple times how I was able to be so open about everything that happened. I think that a big part had to do with the fact that I talked to others about what I was going through. Although they didn’t always understand, sometimes they said something that made me stop, think and eventually feel better. So if you are feeling alone try to find someone who has gone through something similar. You never know what might happen.
More to Come
Thank you everyone that has been leaving comments on the Facebook page. I put up an interview with one of the co-producers of a documentary about the effects of the war 17 years later. It’s going to be a great film, so check out the video to find out more. If you haven’t joined the page then you should join, and if you aren’t on Facebook then now is your chance. I’m also planning some more interviews so check back soon.