Return to El Salvador: Visiting Mariano

Luis, Mariano and Myself

After spending a couple of days with the Escobars, I thought I should reach out to my father’s side of the family. My cousin Luis picked me up at my Aunt Dalilla’s house. We were going to his brother’s house for dinner. Before we got to dinner, we stopped by his house to wait for my cousins Cecelia and Doris. Luis lives in a small apartment on top of his father’s car parts and accessories store.

Luis’ father Mariano meets us at the doorway and invites us in so we can talk. I make my way up to the second level which is filled with chairs and other supplies. Clearly it’s being used as storage for the shop. We go up another flight of stairs to the apartment. There is one main living room. To the left is a kitchen and study room. The bedroom is to the right. The only bathroom is in the living room and is not entirely closed off. It’s tight quarters with little privacy, but it’s home. We take a seat at a big table in the living room.

I met Mariano once before in 1998. It was an emotional experience for his wife. She remembered bathing me the night before my mother and I fled the county. Mariano looks a lot older now. I don’t remember exactly what he looked like back then, but now he looks old enough to be my grandfather.

He tells me about how they used to listen to the clandestine radios during the war. They would have to turn the radio all the way down so no one could hear it. He explains that people couldn’t sit and talk as we are. He tells me how he and his wife helped my mother during the war. They took care of me and helped her get things she needed.

“Is this where you lived back then?” I ask.

He says “yes”.

I look around as I realize my mother must have stayed here with me. I can almost picture her walking around the apartment with me in her arms.

Talking to him reminds me so much of my father. The way they move is so similar. However, there is something different about Mariano. He is calm and collected. There is a sadness about him but he is not resentful. He has had a hard life and yet, I feel no bitterness or anger from him.

“Do you think things have changed?” He’s not so sure. He says, my parents fought because people were repressed and poor. 30 years later, they are still poor and all that is different is the leadership.

“What do you think about what they did?”

“Your parents were fighting for change. They believed in what they were doing but it didn’t turn out the way they thought it would. The U.S. was helping the government and this is why it didn’t work out”

I explain to him that I am in many ways the product of America. It was American foreign policy that separated me, and American culture that made me who I am. Then he says something I did not expected.

“It wasn’t the people of America that did this, it was a few powerful people who acted in their own self interest that did this.” I’m blown away by his insight and wisdom. Most of the people I have talked to about the war do not have such a clear understanding of the situation.

He talks about the gangs in El Salvador. How people will rob the busses and shoot you if you don’t give them what they want. Sadly he knows all to well how about this. A couple years ago his son was killed during a carjacking. He was sitting next to him when it happened.

“Thank God that you, Ernesto and Eva didn’t have to grow up in this.”

From where he sits we are the lucky ones. In his eyes even though we were separated from each other, we were still better off.

This trip has been difficult because it showed me what life here might have been like and it made me question the decisions my parents made. It made me wish for a simpler life, where my family is not separated. But what if we had never been separated? Would it have worked out like I imagine, or would life have been just as hard as it has been for Marino.

Would I have been happy with a life in El Salvador, or would I be searching for more? Searching for the life I have now.

Return to El Salvador: The Escobars

For most of the past 12 years I have gotten to know my father’s side of the family more than my mother’s. This is because I usually stay with my father and sister. My family there is very “Coto,” and it’s easy to see how similar we are. When I first met my family, I noticed right away that the Cotos walk the same. We have a distinctive duck waddle that is easy to spot when we are together. The more time I spend with my bother, sisters and father, the more of these traits I have noticed.

Since most of the Escobars are still in El Salvador, I haven’t had a chance to get to know them as well. During this trip I really got to see what the other side of the family was like.

One night after going out to eat Pupusas, a typical Salvadoran dish, we stopped by my Aunt Haydee’s house. As she was talking, I noticed right away that my brother Ernesto and she make very similar facial movements. I chuckled a little and hoped she didn’t notice. I could just picture Ernesto making the same face.

I looked over to my aunt Tita on the couch and there she was, sitting just as I would. Back to a corner, one arm stretched resting on the sofa back, the other in the air supporting her head. Up until that point I always thought my mannerisms came exclusively from my father’s side. It was nice to see one from my mother.

I’ve often wondered what else I got from my mother. Looking so much like my father, I thought a lot of my personality might have come from her. Watching the family interact, I got to see their characteristics. My Aunt Tita and her daughters are warm, fun loving, and silly. My Aunt Dalilla and her sons are more quiet, reserved, and pensive. What a wide range of personalities! I definitely see these same traits in myself. It appears my hunch was correct, I am very much an Escobar.

That weekend was my cousin’s wedding. It was one of the reasons that I decided to go back to El Salvador. In attendance were all but one of my aunts and cousins I had not seen in 12 years. Some of them resembled my sister and her daughter. Others reminded me of my late grandmother. My cousin Cesar bares a striking resemblance to Ernesto. He was there with his wife, daughter, and newborn son. Again I’m reminded of the life I might have had. We danced and laughed the whole night.

Besides figuring out which family members looked alike, I also learned more about our family history. I learned that my grandfather, Hector Escobar, worked in construction and even helped build the Panama Canal. It’s very cool to think that our family had a small part to play in its creation.

Getting to know the Escobars was a lot of fun. I got to see another side of my family and myself.

Becoming One Family Video: An Emotional Interview With My Sister and Adoptive Mother

In August (I say May in the video but it was really August) my older sister Eva came to visit. I sat down with her and my adoptive mother Margaret to talk about how we became one family. It was a really powerful and emotional conversation. They talk very openly about their feelings and what it was like getting to know each other.

This was the first interview we did for the documentary film I’m working on. If you enjoyed this video check out our project page on kickstarter.

Watch me speak at#140conf LA

Just a reminder that on October 5th at 3:40pm I will be speaking at the #140 Character Conference in LA. I’l be sharing our story and talking about the documentary film. The event will be broadcast live you so you can watch me and all the other great speakers.

It’s the Little Things You Miss the Most

The Little Things

I hate to go
But I can’t stay
Stuck between worlds
A life almost complete
Bittersweet like lemonade
It’s the little things you miss the most
A hug on a rainy day
A joke no one else gets
Off on my own, until I return
And I remember why
I never want to leave

– Nelson/Roberto

My Sister Comes to Visit

It’s been a little quiet on the blog and Facebook page over the past week. That’s because my older sister Eva was visiting me from Costa Rica. She was here for about 10 days, even though it felt like much longer. I was so busy having fun with her that there wasn’t much time to post updates.

We did a lot in the short time we had. I was her personal tour guide and I took her all around Boston. We went to a Red Sox game and a Duck Tour, and walked all over the city. She really got to see and know Boston.

Some photos from our time together. More to come!

www.flickr.com

Getting to Know My World

I think it was interesting for her because she experienced a little bit of my life. Not only where I live, but what it’s like to travel like I do. You’re constantly torn between the people you love and the life you have. Just when you’ve adjusted it’s time to leave.

It’s not easy always being on the go but it’s the life we have. What’s the alternative? Sure we could all live our own lives and see each other every couple of years or so. That just seems like a waste of the second chance we have been given.

On the Road Again

Speaking of traveling, I will be going down to Panama at the end of the month. This will be a very short (for me) 10 day trip. Mostly, I will be helping my father’s business with some computer upgrades, but I will try to take some more great photos as well!

My First Interview for the Documentary, and it was a Great One!

Last night I interviewed my mother and sister about becoming one family. It was a really moving and powerful conversation.

If you weren’t able to join us live, don’t worry, we saved the video. There are some problems with my audio. Eventually I will re-upload this interview with better audio, but I thought it was more important to get this up for all of you.

As always, we would love to hear your feedback and thoughts about this interview.

Becoming One Family: An Interview You Don’t Want to Miss

I’m very excited to announce the first interview for the yet to be titled documentary I’m working on. The interview is going to be about becoming one family. It will take place Saturday July 31st and we will be broadcasting the interview live so you can be part of the filming.

One question I get a lot is: What was it like for your families when you were reunited? It’s difficult to say because it was an emotional time for everyone. We were people from two completely different backgrounds thrown together by chance. Our own real connection was through me and I was only 16.

While I never felt hostility between my two families, it was obviously hard for all of us. My adoptive family now had to share me with a whole group of people. My birth family had just found a long lost relative and wanted to get to know me. Thanks to a lot of hard work and understanding by both families, we slowly became one family.

At the end of July my older sister Eva will be visiting us and I thought it would be a great time to address this subject. Eva, my mother Margaret, and I will be sitting down to share our thoughts and experiences about this interesting time.

We would love it if you would join us for this exciting discussion. We will also be taking your questions. Since this is being filmed for the documentary, there is a chance your question could make it into the film! You can RSVP for the event on Facebook or Eventbrite in case you’re not on Facebook.