Tag Archives: Luis

Iraq is the new El Salvador? – by Nelson/Roberto

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This weekend I watched Salvador which is a movie about photo journalist Richard Boyle who travels to El Salvador during the begging of its Civil War. The movie depicted the violence surrounding the country at the time. It stars James Woods and was directed by Oliver Stone.

The movie takes place during the early 80’s. This was also around the same time that I was born and separated from my family.

On one side you have the right government forces who control most of the couturiers wealth. On the other you have the peasants and farmers of El Salvador who are supposedly getting help from communist countries.

I found my self drawing many parallels with the current war in Iraq. There is a very sobering scene about half way through the movie where Richard Boyle is arguing with the US military general. Boyle has just returned from the mountains of El Salvador where he has taken pictures of the guerrilla fighters. The general is drilling him for about the types of weapons that the guerrillas have. When he explains that they have simple rifles the general refuses to believe him claiming that “military intelligence” says that they have RPGs and other weapons supplied by communists.

This sounds all to familiar to me. I remember very clear George Bush making claims that Iraq had “weapons of mass destruction” and was being backed by terrorists nations. I think its sad really. Are we doomed to repeat our mistakes?

There is also a clip of Ronald Reagan talking about the communist terrorists and how they could take over Central America and then even north America. Once again this sounds all to familiar.

In El Salvador we funded the war because we were afraid of communists. We invaded Iraq because we were afraid of Terrorists. Honestly I think the only different between then and now is September 11th. Because of 9/11 congress allowed President Bush to lead us into a war we had no business starting. Thankfully congress did not let Regan invade El Salvador because it might be like Iraq is today. Even so it is still a very violent place to be and it might be getting worse.

Another interesting scene in the movie was when Boyle interviews the guerrillas. There was footage of them training. I can only wonder if this is what my father went through. They also mention and act out what was known as “the final offensive.” This was supposed to be the last big push by the rebels to take over the country. However it turned out to be just the beginning of a bloody 13 year war. My mother mentioned this in her last letter.

Overall it was a really good movie and I recommend if you are interested in El Salvador’s Civil War or want to see the parallels to Iraq that I mentioned.

Was it all in vain? – by Nelson/Roberto

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While surfing the web this week, looking for other blogs about El Salvador I came a across the A Different View of a Good Life blog. The author meg has spent some time living in El Salvador and she writes about her accounts there. In this post she talk about the violence in El Salvador.

El Salvador has a culture of violence and trauma reinforced by a history of a brutal civil war; a war that ended with some peace accords that basically lied to the people by saying things were going to change. It is true, things did change. Many say that the poverty rate is worse now than when it was in the war. Imagine that, the people have gotten poorer? The rich politicians have brought in their neoliberal politics and trade agreements (CAFTA) to benefit their friends in corporations. And the people are slowly losing their right to march and protest the injustice going on in their country because as the government likes to say, the protests of the left are terrorist acts, so now there is new terrorist legislation.

Then there are the gangs. The gangs of El Salvador originated in the US, but with the slick deportation process of the US government, El Salvador found a new problem to deal with. The gangs are neither leftist or rightist, but Tony Saca likes to think the gangs are all leftist (even if Arena does pinta y pega with gang members during the elections). And so, with the easy solutions of the Arena government, all the youth of El Salvador are a target. So much for treasuring your future!

So when you couple a history of violence with a people in growing need for food, shelter and jobs, youth who are being targeted, gang members who target everyone (especially busses), and the slow political process that takes human rights away one by one, one might find a breading ground for a whole mess of effects brought on by this culture. One such effect is widespread violence.

A lot goes on in this country every day. Busses are attacked and burned if they didn’t pay the gang fare. Patrons of busses are robbed or killed every day. In the night there are shootings, and we have a homicide rate that is through the roof. Occasionally there are protests, but the last one turned into a police instigated riot with helicopters equipped with gunmen.

A few months ago one of my cousins almost died her when her husband shot her and killed their baby son. This was very hard on my grandmother and it took her a while to get over it. Maybe a year before another cousins on my fathers side died in a car jacking incident.

I wasn’t close to either of them but in a way this is so depressing to me. I mean my family lost so much in this war. My mother gave her life and my father lost his home, his wife and his son for 16 years. For what? so that the country could become even poorer?

He has been through some very hard times in his life and you can see how the war has affected him. I would hate for him to find out it was all for nothing…

Part 2: My origins, how I was separated – by Nelson/Roberto

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With the introduction of my birth family came the information of my past and the story of my life.

My story begins even before I was born. My birth father and mother where around 20. My father had been influenced by high school teachers to join the revolutionary movement in El Salvador. Soon after he began his work he met my other Ana Milgro Escobar. Despite objections from her family she joined the movement as well. They were married shortly after in a ceremony of arms.

The group they were a part of the was called the FPL which was one of the sub groups that made up the FLMN. My father was a body guard to the head of the FPL while my mother worked to coordinate the different cells. (In the war people worked in smaller groups called cells. If one cell was captured it did not know enough to give away any information.) This was a very important potion for my mother who had just turned 20.

Later that year, my father was in a gunfight somewhere in the mountains of El Salvador. He was shot inches away from his heart. He spend 3 long days in hiding barely hanging on to life. If one of his brothers had not given him blood he would have surely died.

He was taken to Nicaragua for surgery. He managed to survive the operation but needed a second one to remove the bullet. This required him to go to Cuba. After four months in Cuba he had not gotten the operation and returned to Nicaragua to see my mother. At this point, my brother and sister had been sent to live in Costa Rica with my Grandmother. It was around this time that I was born. My mother and I lived in El Salvador for three month before it became unsafe to live there anymore.

My mother was supposed to meet up with my father in Costa Rica, but it never happened. She was reassigned on a new mission. She and two other men kidnapped a businessman in Honduras. We lived in a safe house for a few months, but the Honduran government found out where she was living. They stormed the house and killed my mother and the two men. This was three days before my first birthday. The police found me in a back room with two other little girls.

They did not know what to do with us so we were put in an orphanage. I stayed there for a whole year before I was adopted. They put sever notices in the paper saying that if any was missing children or knew the who we were they should come forward and claim us. No one came forward and after a year in the orphanage I was adopted.

Around this time my birth father had found out that his wife had been killed and his son was missing. He was furious at certain people within the FPL because they would not let him look for me or give him any information. Disillusioned he left the revolution and warned around Central America. He ended up in Panama where he worked 2 jobs only to earn $20 in a month. One of these jobs was doing silk screening. Think that he could do that on his own he set off to make a better life. He remarried and was able to create a stable business for him and his family.

Through a friend he learned that I had been adopted to a family in America. He began thinking about coming to America to look for me. However he had no idea where I lived so it would be impossible to find me.

In 1992 my grandmother began her search to find me. It took her a year to find an organization that would help her. An organization called Probusqueda spent four more years going though newspapers and whatever government documents they could get their hands on trying to find me. They finally completed their research in 1997 after doing an Internet search to find our phone number. We where contacted by a man working for the Physicians for Human Rights and given a copy of all their findings. After a blood test confirmed that they were my family we made arrangements to meet them during Christmas.

Part 1: The adoption, a leap of faith and a miracle reunion.

You gave me life – by Eva

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To you:

Things haven’t been perfect, I know. Sometimes I wish I could get to know you more. Even though you’ve been so far away from me for my whole life you’ve never left my heart.

I am sorry if I’ve hurt you, I am aware I am just human. I am sorry I am not the perfect person for you. You’ve gave me life, what a wonderful present that is. You’ve gave me strength, you showed me how to fight and not to give up, not to be afraid, you showed me how to be a person who cares.

You’re a wonderful person, you mean a lot to me. You don’t know how much I’ve loved you cause I haven’t been able to show you the place in my life you’ve owned for all of these years. But today I gotta tell you I LOVE YOU those simple words I say even we have been apart from each other the blood call is something you cannot get away.

I wish I could tell you all what I feel, I wish I could open up my heart for you. Life has placed us where we are but love will never fade away. Like the song goes we’ve been far away and for so long and we couldn’t help it. We’ve grown old and been through so much but I will always be your baby girl I know.

That is me, I am just your daughter even if I don’t look like you at all. I have your blood in my veins and there is something you should know. I will never forget about you cause I love you so much Dad.

Mila’s Last letter

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A letter to her mother, Mama Chila, by Ana Milagro:

September 23, 1981

Dear Mom,

I hope that when you receive this letter you are in good health as well as everybody around you. Mom the person who carries this letter will ask about the kids and how he can help you. I want you to tell him everything that the children need. I will stay here meantime. I don’t know how long but I hope that you can understand my situation. I want to see my children the more than anything but right now I can not.

I could only send you some of the things you asked for because as you know my economical situation is difficult.

On the a different note I want you to explain why you left Nicaragua and what told you those people. Finding out that you are there [in Costa Rica] was for me a great surprise because I don’t know your reasons. Can you tell me where Luis is? I haven’t see him since I was there.

Some people are telling me that Toto is a cry-baby and is drinking too much coffee. Please don’t make them spoiled kids. Remember that they are with you for now but they will be with me again one day and you know how I am with them.

I want to let you know that Haydee is going to move into her own house in October and we are thinking about selling the apartment. Dalila says not to sell it and Tita says sell it to buy a house instead.

My advise to you is to sell it and have the money sent there because here [in El Salvador] the situation is getting worse every day. It [victory] is not going to be as soon as we thought. Maybe it is going to take two years or more and for that reason it is better that you sell the apartment and try to start over there. Even we [in the movement] don’t know how the situation is going to be and if my sisters left the country they wouldn’t have anywhere to go. However if you are there they will have somewhere to go in emergency. Dalila might move in when Haydee leaves because if not we will lose the apartment.

Regarding the power of attorney I advise you to do it there with help of a lawyer. Then send it back to the country [El Salvador]. I don’t advise going in person because it is too dangerous. Passing trough Honduras is to risky. They let you go inside but do not let you go out. Something bad could happen. Everybody who go inside the country is checked and interrogated. I want to tell you that some female cousins of the Haydee’s midwife went there, were taken out of their house, were raped, and killed. For that reason it is better that you do not to go although you I know want to see your daughters. But it would be far instead worse being so close but dead.

Try to solve apartment’s problem staying there [in Costa Rica]. Come to an agreement with them [your daughters]. You can call them by phone or write to them but don’t let them know where I am because that could be risky. Please tell Vilma the same. She should not to write things that could compromise me because every letter coming out of the country is read. The same goes if you call by phone. Be careful because the risk is with your daughters who are there [El Salvador].

Tina called 5 months ago and she said that she had written several times to Vilma but Vilma didn’t answer. Even more she thinks that the letters never were received because of the situation of the country

I explained to her that you were fine and I told her not to worry. I promised I would write to you but I don’t know if her letters were received. Tita says that Raulito of Andreita wants to buy the apartment. He wants to get a loan. We told him that you wanted 8,000 colones for it. I Think that is a very good deal. If you still find someone who wants to buy it, sell it. Please do what I tell you because you know better than anybody that I am always truthful with you. Even if you do nothing with the money but spend it on food that money is still yours.

Lupe of Andreita came to ask for clothing and shoes. She said because you always brought her cloth and shoes she misses you. Andreita also came. She has become a fat woman and asked us to send her regards to you. They still live in “Tierra Blanca” [white land]. Alicia lives en “La Santa Lucia” and she rents a house there with a young men and Yolan. She wasn’t able to get to United States. Isabel of Andreita is pregnant. La Lupe was looking for a job because Roque’s salary is no enough

I sent you photos of the baby. His name is Roberto Alfredo. Tell the kids that he is their little brother. I trust god that they meet him soon. Tell me what Eva says about her father, if she misses him, if she still remembers me. I am fine although I had some problems because of the childbirth but it was nothing serious. The baby looks like Eva.

Nelson/Roberto and an older cousin

I will see if I can send you money monthly so tell me what you need and how much money you spend. I sent you some things inside of the suitcase. If you need the suitcase then take it, if not send it to me because I need it.

The things which I send are

3 panties for Eva
socks for Toto
1 pan and spoons
2 blankets
1 lotion
1 soup
1 talc
1 blouse for you (Dalila sends it)
underwear for you
1 pair of shoes (Tita sends them)
3 towels
2 pair of pants for Rene
2 shirts
socks
handkerchiefs
shoes
1 jacket
other things

Now I must I say goodbye to you.

The daughter who misses you so much,
Mila

P.S. Send me Vilma’s phone number. I will see if I can call from time to time in order to see how you are. If Luis should call Vilma’s mother in law, she shouldn’t tell him where you are. She should tell him that you left for the country.

A women one of a kind / by Eva

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One of the things that really bothered me the most since I lost my mother is the fact that Mom and Dad had kids even though they knew they were at risk and their lives were in danger. I used to wonder: Why if I know my life is in danger would I have children? OK, let’s say that one child is the legacy of the marriage, but two? and then three? I thought that it was irresponsible of them. Especially since they were actually fighting in the field and part of something really difficult in the middle of the war. And again I wondered WHY?

For so long I blamed my parents for our separation. I blamed them for loosing my little brother who I never met. For years and years of seeing my Grandma quietly suffering and for not being there…I guess that is part of the feeling you develop in these situations. I like to think about it as the way I had to comfort myself and to make sense of all the things I didn’t ask for. Non of this made any sense for me during all my childhood. It took years and years for me to understand…

My last birthday, Margaret asked Roberto and I for an interview to talk about my mother. Margaret knows how difficult is for us, specially for me, to talk about all of these things. To remember and open up but I knew she really needed to do that and I agreed. During the interview I tried so hard not to cry. It is always painful to put out my Mom from my heart but there was something Margaret said that made me understand a lot of things that suddenly made sense for me that day: My Mom would never do a thing like this if she wouldn’t has been 100% sure it was the right thing to do! Of course, Margaret was right! And then, everything became so clear to me. In an instant, my daughter Dani came to my mind and I knew why she was doing it and that it was for me, for my brothers, for my family!

Then, I understood that was my Mom’s way to do something for other people and that makes me think about how brave she was since she actually DID something. She didn’t wait to see the change, she WAS the change, the force to make it real. She fought for something she really believed in and I wonder how many of us can do that without hesitation? How many of us can fight for other people just to make a difference? My Mom was a really brave woman. She had determination and in her plans she knew that us (her children, her blood) would have a different opportunity, a chance to be better and improve ourselves, even if that didn’t make any sense at that moment. Perhaps she had a vision of the future that not all the people had back then.

I use to think about me as her living memory since I look a lot like her. I like to think that I am her representation today and let me tell you, that is a huge responsibility because sometimes I am not sure if I am as brave as she was. As strong as she was. As caring and loving as she was but there is something I am sure about. I am so proud to be the daughter of my mother, a women one of a kind…